~me-the-anon-one

This is going to be my last journal entry. I have moved to another account in an effort for a new beginning.

To all those who watch me, well most of you don't read my journals anyway, but thank you.

To all of those who've followed me to my new name, I love you.


Good-bye Me-the-anon-one. Nice knowing you!

"Good bye all you people. I'm leaving you today.
Good bye
Good bye
Good bye"
~ Pink Floyd

NO no don't worry not going to take a dirt nap...at least not intentionally or anything. I'm just leaving this DA account within the week.


This name doesn't fit me anymore. If you know where to find me, there I'll be.

If you really, really want to continue watch me and can't figure out my name. Note me.

I had to take my son to the dentist today. The first in a series of five appointments. FIVE!!! Yes. FIVE. My son had 9 cavities. Well now he has seven since they took care of two today. I sat outside the room and cried while I listened to him cry.

The nurse called me back into the office and I expected my little baby, my sweet baby to throw himself in my arms with relief that Mommy was there to rescue him. Instead, he was standing at the sink, drinking water and perusing the prize box and stickers!! He smiled at me and was all, "Hey Ma, how you doin?"

I talked to the dentist. He took care of two shallow ones today, no numbing was necessary. But next time....*sigh* Anyway all of that took about ten minutes. I was frantically texting Blue while outside the examination room. I think I suffered more than Zig.

I made his next appoinment and took my happy, bouncy boy out to the car. I said. How was it? He said, "Awesome!" I blinked at him and was all o.O The kid is notorious for saying he's good when he's bad so I asked him. "Do you want me to take you back in there and have them do it again?" He said, "SURE!" My kid is...WEIRD.

He did say that they powder thing was too hard. Whatever that means. And it's all good....until next time. I fear the dentist is saving the worst for last.

As a reward I took him to Burger King for lunch. He's a happy kid. Me? I'm going just a little more batty every day.

I'm sick.

Sick is no fun.

I'm really tired.

It's hot outside.

I have a fever.

I feel like I'm going to puke.

My cats are trying to kill each other.

I am drinking water, but my lips look like the Sahara.

I feel like refried poo.

My eyes burn.

I want to sleep for forty billion years.

I want to go lay near the ocean...in the shade with a tropical drink (non-alcoholic thanks) in my hand with a little umbrella in it.

I want peace.

I want tranquility.

Mostly I want to sleep though.

I'm scared I'm going to get pnemonia I just feel THAT weak. Not coughing enough for pemonia though THANK GOD!!! Gonna take good care of myself. NEED SLEEP. No more stress.

no more stress
no more stress
no more stress
no more stress
no more stress

is that possible?

*cries*

For awhile now, I've been wanting to write a funny post. Unfortunately, the events of my life are not conducive to funny journals.

I do not work well under stress. Put me under pressure and I will falter and fail. I am one of those people who works better not working at all.

I am not lazy, just weary. I'm overly sensitive and easily overwhelmed. I am delicate and fragile and it's just not a good way to be.

I can recognize these short comings within myself, but there isn't much I can do. About them. Being awake and aware does not mean you are enabled to correct errors. Sometimes upon waking all I can do is stare at these faults with dismay.

I am not willfully dense, but often I am obtuse in a direct contradiction to my overly sensitive nature. Mostly I believe said obtuseness comes from the fact that so often I let my mind lay inert. I know why though.

Being awake while others sleep, seeing what needs to be done as opposed to doing it. I know what needs to be done, but more often than not I have no clue.

We live in a world which values independence. To be independent. To stand alone. To be able to handle all the things which life throws at you with courage and stoicism is looked up upon as a great strength. If you can stand on your feet and laugh at the world as it tries to bring you down, if you can rise up to the mountain by the mere force of your own steam, if you can plow your way through a crowd and make a million friends and keep them interested, if you can be successful despite adversity you are lauded as a strong and mighty person! You have great character! You are in fact as a human being a success!!!!!

I am not such a person. I am timid not easily brought to anger (or to use said anger). I cannot handle my life on my own. I have no confidence. I am dependent on others to help me move forward. While my ideals and morals are mine and I hold on to them fiercely despite the storms around me, I simply am able to stand up to the winds of adversity. I am dependent, soft, spineless. I am all the things which are pitied as failures.

I fear being wrong to the point where I do not make committed statements. I only speak in generalities. Because of said fears it is hard to pin me down to just what do I believe, just what do I feel, just what the hell?

Conflict is my enemy and I will do anything in my power to avoid it. I can be harder to pin down than a politician. Getting me to sit down and tell you THIS IS IT, this is how I think and feel is like making two positively charged magnates stick together. I rarely, rarely let someone see inside the depths of who I am and while I am extremely honest I can be so deceptive in that manner.

I am not this way of my own accord, in fact I try very hard not to be this way. I know it frustrates people to the point of anger and I try and try even harder not to be how I am. The fact is even if I let you in, chances are I'm still going to hide myself.

Do I think I'm loathsome? No, but I don't expect the fact that I love and care for myself an automatic indicator that others will love and care for me and I maintain that once people do get to know me any love they have for me will vanish.

I am not lovable inside or out.

I am loving though.

I am strange, but not amazingly so. I am just mundanely off. Nothing special. I am wishy washy and in order to survive I need a help. I am a parasite *cries* nothing but a parasite simply because in order to function I need a stronger host to support me.


I am aware of all these things, but fixing them well not so easy.